So it’s day 5 of my increase to 200mg of quetiapine and once again I feel nothing except tired! Not up not down just, well nothing!
I went to bed around 12:30 last night after watching homeland and didn’t get up till 11:30 this morning! Lathargic, blurred vision, tired are the order today, oh and my constant thirst. But with constant thirst comes the constant trips to the loo! I managed to put the bins out for the dustman, tidy up, put a clothes wash on but these are things I do automatically due to my OCD.
It could also be the fact that I’ve dropped my daily trazodone intake from 100mg to 50mg before stoping altogether on Friday as per my psychiatrists orders. So the mania has stopped which I’m pissed off about as I love it. It’s like a drug that I can’t get enough of but I do act strangely and do stupid things but I love that ‘i don’t give a shit and I love everything feeling’ and the thougy of it not returning pisses me off! Yes it’s destructive, I can’t sleep, buzzing with ideas, applying for stupid jobs blah blah blah but if I could just control that part id be a happy bunny. But of course I can’t, hence the medication! As I’ve said in previous posts I totally understand why fellow bipolar sufferers choose to stay well clear of medication. It’s clouds your thoughts and cancels out your creative side. But on the flip side you think a lot clearer as is, you are not manic so can make more balanced decisions. I know that once this tiredness passes I should be there or there abouts medication wise or so I think! I’m thinking of just telling my psychiatrist on Friday when I call him that everything is ok even if it isn’t 100% as I want to get some sort of normality back. Planning ahead is totally out of the question at the moment but I can’t wait until I can start to do this again as living day to day is annoying the shit out of me and I’m bored as fuck to be honest!
Joke time –
I was having dinner with my boss and his wife and she said to me: “How many potatoes would you like Darren?”
I said: “Ooh, I’ll just have one please.”
She said: “It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.”
“All right,” I said, “I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow.”