Blog 16

I’ve already started to look towards the future. No matter how I feel or what happens I will finish the rest of this Xmas junk food and hit my gym in my garage in the new year. New year being 5th jan when the kids are back at school and my wife returns to work. I know that I need to vent this anger and irritability in a positve way. Lifting weights has always been my saving grace and hopefully I can vent this anger this way? Oh and I want to be ripped by the summer as this will give me a lot more self confidence as well as a goal to aim for. I need peace and quiet in the mornings on this medication I know that now, so I can wake up in my own time. It’s hard at the moment because the house is full of noisy kids. So I’m going to try my upmost to let the mess, the noise etc. go over my head as I know come 5th jan I will have the control back. It’s a big thing for me control and if I don’t have it I tend to freak out. But control is something I need to learn to let go of and no time like the present to test that theory! Mess can be cleaned up, mess can be cleaned up… Breathe, breathe, breathe I keep telling myself but up till now ive let me mood take over so I’m not in control at all really no matter what I say am I? Unless I can control my mood then how can I learn to give up the control when needed?

Surround yourself with things that make you smile. That must be the key to shrug off the morning blues? TV shows like friends, Gavin and Stacey, the office and Comedy Central on the TV is a good start! Laughing always make you feel better doesn’t it? Well it does for me. I do feel like I’ve lost a bit of my sense of humour since my diagnosis by wallowing in self pity a bit too much I think. As the quote from the film braveheart goes ‘well that’s something we shall have to remedy isn’t it’. Sort the morning mood swings out and bingo, hopefully things will fall into place? So just see out the rest of the holidays with a smile on your face and come 5th Jan that’s when the real work begins and hopefully my mood will have stabilised with my new medication by then?

I wrote the above yesterday around 6pm after I had the house to myself all afternoon. I purposely wrote it then as I was thinking clearly and I also want to see what I make of it this morning! Right on queue I am irritable this morning but reading what I wrote above yesterday I feel a slight light at the end of the tunnel. I need to go to the bank in town today and get a few bits from the supermarket. Our regular weekly food shop has gone out of the window what with Xmas and now the new year approaching. This sends my brain into a bit of a tizz as this is normally part of my weekly routine. I’m going to walk into town and back as its too icey to cycle plus I’m going to test my theory of fresh air and exercise to help raise my mood! Wish me luck!

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