Blog 15

Why oh why did I go shopping with the kids yesterday? Because, as per usual I opened my stupid mouth on Boxing Day ‘why dont we go into town tomorrow kids and spend your Xmas money and vouchers’ big mistake that was! I was feeling great on Xmas day, not quite euphoric or a manic episode but good.

Now we live approximately 2 miles from town and the main road that runs into town passes our house so we can gauge the traffic from just looking out the window. As suspected it was gridlocked so we decided to wrap up warm and walk. I enjoy a good walk in the cold and we stopped off at a few shops on the way. Oh there’s a new DFS sofa store opened up so we popped in to be nosy. For some reason my irritability increases when I come in from the cold and being in there was no exception. To top it all off I lost one of my gloves so I was prepared to kill someone at this point! I asked one of the store assistants if anyone had handed a glove in and he said ‘no, but don’t worry I’m sure it will turn up’ I could feel the rage building up inside of me. I wanted to leave so no, telling me that it will turn up doesn’t help matters does it dick head! I was about to throw the other glove in the bin and buy another pair from town but right on queue Mr dick head salesperson came running over to me with my missing glove! Now queue the guilt for calling him a dick head! At least I didn’t say it to his face! I tell you now this bipolar quetiapine medication can do one! I swear I’m going to kill someone soon!

Town was just as bad. I couldn’t focus on anything. I didn’t want to say anything, or go anywhere I just wanted to sit. I had some Xmas money from my parents but I couldn’t focus on anything I just wanted to go home or sit! Now I brought my nephew a remote controlled helicopter for xmas and of course now my son and daughter want one so we also went to toys r us so they could buy one with their Xmas money. I wasn’t too bad in there as I found a seat out of the way and I was checking my football bets on my phone.

As well as doing my little silly weekly accumulators on the football I also do challenge bets. Basically I follow this bloke on Facebook called ‘football betting tips and accumulators’ and he gives us the bets to place based on his knowledge. We generally start at £10 and we try to get that money upto £500-£1000. Now it shoukd take around 10-15 bets (depending on the odds of course) to reach our goal by investing what won on the previous bet and so on. Now I’ve only ever done this once before and I chickened out at £300! The most frustrating thing is this guy does it a lot and I miss most of them as I forget or I’m busy. Facebook isn’t the best for following people as their statuses very rarely show up when you want them to do I have to search for them.

So as you probably saw from my post last night regarding my quetiapine medication I’m not sure what to do about it? No, correction I will keep taking it until I see my psychiatrist again in the new year but I was under the impression that I should see positive effects straight away? I’m bloody worse if anything! My moods are worse, most definitely and I am definitely more irritable. People being around me makes me want to kill them and those noisy Xmas toys I could smash them up with a hammer! The kids voices, the tv, the mess, the dog… aaaaaahhhhhhh! Help!!!!

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