Blog 11

So a lazy day yesterday. After telling my manager at the betting shop that I wasn’t coming back she was very understanding as I told her about my bipolar a couple of weeks ago. So that part of my life is over and done with now and it’s time to get better and look to the future. Oh and to enjoy Xmas and new year with no work distractions.

So it’s Xmas eve. I didn’t wake up properly until around 11:30am this morning which is due to my medication. As I mentioned on a previous blog I used to be regular as clockwork – bed around 11pm awake around 7:30am but this cocktail they’ve got me on (100mg quetiapine + 100mg trazodone) really do knock me out.

So it’s Home Alone on the TV with my youngest daughter as hyper as ever, jumping about the living room, the sofa and generally being too loud as normal. She woke up again last night. It must have been around 5am when I heard my wife screaming at her as she still has a dummy at night which she lost yet again. Now this dummy situation is easier said than done to try and get rid of. If I had my way it would have gone a long time ago but my wife is some what reluctant to agree. They all had the dentist yesterday and the dentist said its time for the dummy to go as its impacting her teeth so hopefully after xmas the ‘dummy fairy’ will be make an appearance and the dreaded things will be gone forever!

My daughter is just like me which makes me even more concerned that she will develop bipolar at some point in her life. She was a ‘pain in the arse’ baby, just like me apparently as I’ve been reminded of my whole life. I will never refer to her or let her know that she was a pain. I didn’t need to hear that growing up so I will never let her hear that but from the day we brought her home from the hospital she did not sleep. Years of sleepless nights. We did try the ‘put her back in her cot and leave her’ routine but that didn’t work and because I worked full time back then and my wife had to get up in the mornings to get my other kids to school so we needed our sleep. so for years we put her in our bed and I would get up and sleep on the floor at the end of the bed. I got two quilts and rolled them up at the end of the bed to sleep on. I became the master at unrolling my new bed in the dark each night, I could do it in seconds. This carried on most nights for years even when she went from the cot to a bed. She is 5 years old now and she has periods of a couple of months where she will sleep right through but as we are experiencing now, she’s been waking up every night for about 2 weeks now. I think it’s worse now that she can talk if it’s not her dummy she’s lost, its her legs that hurt or bad dreams. I was the same apparently, I didn’t sleep through the night until I was around 5 years old either. Too much energy. Even though I did judo, played football, golf etc. I still had energy all the time. My parents tried everything to tire me out but nothing seemed to work. I soon made up the sleep in my teenage years though! My wife knows I’m concerned about her developing bipolar so we will both be keeping a close eye on her as she grows up.

Even though it Xmas day tomorrow I will still keep my blog going as I have to do something to distract myself from the fact that I have to spend the whole day around the outlaws, sorry inlaws! A whole day round there is enough to give anyone mood swings let alone me! I find them quite strange and I’ve had a few bust ups with my mother in law over the years. We remain pleasant to each other for the sake of my wife and kids but we don’t like each other, that’s obvious. The father in law is ok I suppose, a very selfish man but loves his football like me even though he’s a Liverpool fan but has never been to Anfield and lives in oxford! Oxford Utd is just down the road and I think I’ve been to watch them more than he has and I’m not even from Oxford. Another glory hunter supporter. Coming from London my mates and I supported different teams chelsea, arsenal, QPR, Spurs etc. so we never had the opportunity to go to football together. I suppose that’s why we enjoyed watching England play so much as I grew up within a stones throw of Wembley stadium. So when I moved to oxford I was surprised the amount of people that didn’t follow Oxford Utd. I would of given anything to come from a town with one football team to support as that would have meant that all my friends and I would go to matches together etc. but anyway back to the inlaws, I’ve never met a family so hung up on money it’s unbelievable. It’s all they talk about. The cost of this, the cost of that! Who bloody cares. My wife tells me it’s because they’ve never had it but my parents grew up with no money and they also had to struggle but they don’t go on about it all the time! Oh and holidays! For some reason they have to have a holiday each year maybe two. It’s like a necessity like eating or drinking. Even if they are skint they still go on holiday! Eh? My wife’s told me of times when they would just go away to the seaside somewhere and stay in a cheap bed and breakfast. They had no money so they would have a big breakfast because they couldn’t afford lunch and had share a packet of chips for dinner. What the fuck is that about? Now because of my OCD I don’t particularly like holidays as I can never relax but if I couldn’t afford to give my kids the best time they why go? Why not save for another year and do it properly? But my wife said that she loved it. Just to get away from it all was great. At least kates weird brother won’t be there this year as he’s gone to Thailand on holiday. He says its a holiday but we all know why he’s gone. He’s a 40 something single bloke with what I think is mild autism. It’s never been diagnosed but he is strange. He turns up at our door out of the blue pissed up at least twice a year. He’s says the most inappropriate things and behaves in such a way that makes you go ‘eh? He’s proper weird’ our latest visit from him was a couple a weeks ago he came round completely pissed with Xmas presents. Now this is a first as he usually forgets each year but doesn’t forget to turn up for his Xmas dinner though. Funny that. He forgot my sons 18th birthday his year, my other sons 16th and both my daughters but hey that’s Peter! This last visit armed with gifts for us all was the same as all the others. Swearing, slurred speech, sexual comments. Now I draw the line at the sexual comments as my kids are about so I try and stay out of the way in the front room whilst my wife entertains him in the kitchen. But on the flip side my wife has to put up with my loud family on Boxing Day! So I do feel for her.

Deep breaths Dazza and remember it’s the kids day tomorrow so mouth shut, smile ect. But I know it will be bloody hard on this medication. I will have to go to bed about 8 o’clock tonight in order to be able to get up at the crack of dawn with the kids and then spend the rest of the day round there! If there’s a test for anyone with bipolar to try and control their mood then tomorrow is it! Wish me luck!

A very Merry Xmas to everyone!


2 thoughts on “Blog 11”

  1. As well as that close eye, IF she starts showing moods you think might be bipolar, keep track of them – as you know, the way it cycles determines the type, treatment etc of it. And catching it early gives the person a waaaaaaaaay better prognosis than late diagnosis. You sound like great parents.

    Liked by 1 person

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