Bloody hell I am groggy as hell this morning! I thought I would be as the medication really made me dizzy and knocked me out quicker than normal last night. The good news is it is taking less time to properly wake up in the mornings but the bad news is it still leaves me in the grumpy, agitated mood. ‘Daddy, daddy, daddy’ is all I have heard from my five year old daughter since I woke up and it doesn’t help that my wife has gone to the doctors and left me with her, but then comes the ‘daddy, I love you’ she knows just how to get round me!
I really need to try and snap out of these moods in the mornings but its hard as everything is irritating me from the TV to the clock ticking and that bloody Hanna Montana guitar that my daughter loves! aaaaaahhhhhhh….. It may have to disappear for good over Xmas I think! I have work today 12pm to 6pm so the shower, shave and cycle to work should do the trick to help wake me up!
It’s playing on my mind that I seem to keep posting a lot about bipolar on facebook and for some reason I’ve convinced myself that people think I’m attention seeking but believe me it’s quite the opposite. I want people (especially my friends) to drop the stigma over mental illness. At my friends wedding on Saturday It felt like they were all looking at me and thinking ‘oh here he goes again, lapping up the attention’ so I was conscious who was around me when I was talking about it. But I only brought it up when I was asked. After the 4th or 5th time of talking about it I felt that I was bringing the mood down and that everyone was looking at me. I don’t know but I didn’t let it get under my skin, so maybe I did learn more than I think I did at those CBT courses?
My friends (me included) have always struggled with talking about our feelings or weaknesses (typical men) and we tend to bottle them up and try to make each other laugh. Now this usually turns into piss taking and there are certain ‘mates’ who generally go too far. Typically I used to bite and have a go back which just fuelled the fire even more. I know it sounds silly now but there was a candle on the table and when the lights went down I tried to light it, not realising it was one of those battery operated ones! Now this was a great source of amusement for my friends and I was a little embarrassed but I just laughed along. I knew that I would have laughed if it had happened to anyone else so I didn’t take it personally for the first time ever and just laughed along so maybe the medication is working? I even kept referring to it throughout the night which is unlike me!
So I’m at work now, the same old arsehole punters in but I’ve got my decaf coffee in my hand and the tv’s on so happy days! Until tomorrow peeps have a good day…