Bipolar Darren blog 6

So Ive spoken to my psychiatrist today regarding my medication and I am now on 100mg of quetiapine daily (doubled again) So hopefully I should start to see some improvement in my mood but thinking about it I think my part time job in the betting shop could be making me worse I think? I have to deal with arrogant, ignorant, horrible people who would sell their own mothers for a winning bet and I’m not sure I can put up with it any longer? Or maybe I’m just on a low and not thinking straight? Possibly, but it is definitely soul destroying dealing with arseholes all day!

So back to yesterday. For some reason I am finding it hard to remember much of yesterday. I know I worked in the bookies from 12-6 and felt a massive low when I got home even though I cycled. Usually the fresh air and exercise helps my lows but not yesterda. This training course in London on Friday is playing on my mind. I have to some how get up at 6:30am and drive to London for 10am. Not going to happen on this medication so I will be calling in sick. Now I hate calling in sick as the guilt overwhelms me. But guilty of what? I am sick so why do I still feel quilty? I still have that horrible churning feeling in my stomach but I know that once tomorrow comes and I’ve made that dreaded ‘I’m sick sorry can’t come into work today’ phone call that everyone hates I will start to feel better. I have had mixed reactions to these calls over the years. Some bosses are great and understanding but some give you 20 questions and even though you’re sick and feel like shite, they still keep hassling you! Anyway I will find out tomorrow but deep down I don’t really care either way! My wife went out in the evening and even though she put my youngest daughter to bed before she left she still wouldn’t go to sleep. She was being a complete pain in the arse. A typical 5 year old who wasn’t sleepy! I planned to watch the godfather part 2 but was interrupted constantly by my daughter appearing on the stairs! ‘Daddy, I’m not tired’ grrrrrr kids! And for some strange reason there were no subtitles in the film. I had to listen to constant Italian trying to work out what was going on from the pictures! Luckily I have seen it before but it was a long time ago. Finally my daughter went to sleep around 10pm! My wife put her to bed at 7! Needless to say I didn’t finish the film I took my medication and right on cue half hour later I felt the groggy, tiredness come on so off to bed I went and was out like a lamp!

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3 thoughts on “Bipolar Darren blog 6”

  1. Your second job – best bet (yes I know) is keep an eye on your moods to determine whether working in that environment triggers you. I feel exactly the same about calling in sick. The guilt is horrible. I try to say to myself – firstly, they care more about themselves than about you and for that reason you have to treat yourself as a priority. Because no one else will. And secondly, one day if you leave that job, those people will no longer be relevant in your life. They will fade into a memory. If all else fails, phone your psychiatrist and get booked off. That’ll sort them out.

    Liked by 1 person

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