It was a mistake I think dropping a dose on my trazodone without discussing it with my psychiatrist or doctor (whoops won’t do that again) as I had a bad nights sleep last night waking up a lot and having weird dreams ( I haven’t dreamt much since starting my quetiapine medication) and I also have a splitting headache this morning.
So back to yesterday. Mmmm, no work as on a day off so as usual – I ‘must’ complete all the tasks in my head where my mental list exists or else! Or else what? I don’t know! So I cleaned the house, went food shopping, did my ironing, blah blah bah… then right on queue I felt my low coming on as I had done too much surprise surprise! I was still feeling dazed and foggy for most of the morning from the medication. I also had planned to go into my garage and have a free weights workout (baring in mind I had this list done in my head the evening before when I was in a state of mania) which didn’t happen as I was so tired in the afternoon, so I sat in my office on my chair and watched some tv on my PC.
Now I started reading ‘living bipolar’ by Landon Sessions which was kindly sent to me free by another fellow blogger and it’s really helping me to identify my ‘triggers’ as well as understand what my illness is and coping strategies in order to deal with daily life. So the first change I am going to make is ‘I live in the now. I won’t make anymore lists mental or otherwise the day before especial when in a state of mania’. Now I know that some things have to be done ie. getting up, going to work, food shopping etc. but as I don’t know how I’m going to feel tomorrow (and I’m not going to worry or stress over it) so making lists the day before doesn’t help, as I only beat myself up if I don’t complete it! Great. That’s my first change. Little pat on the back for me! Oh and I have also cut my coffee intake to 2 cups a day, in the morning. It’s decaf for the rest of the day!
So come the evening after my dinner (fried eggs and spinach on toast, yummy) and once I had washed up (another thing only I can do as it’s not up to my standards of anyone does it) – bang the euphoria hits and I physically can’t keep still. I start smoking more, and for some reason I now have to have 2 fags one after the other? (I’m not sure why this is and it only started recently) Now my football team chelsea are playing tonight live on sky sports against Derby in the league cup so I was really excited about that. I also logged into my bet365 account on my iphone and put a couple of small bets on the evenings fixtures. I’m propery buzzing now! I haven’t spoken about my betting yet and it’s something I have done for around 2 years now since my first job at a betting shop. Now as I’m bipolar I need to set myself a limit (I did this even before my diagnosis) so I allow myself £5 a week to bet with. Now my theory is I only ever really place bets of around £1 each time and Typically I scan through the football fixtures for sat and sun and I generally pick 14 teams from the UK market and around the world (why 14? Well 14 is the maximum number of selections you can have for one bet on bet365) that I think will win. Now bare in mind that I am football mad (soccer for my overseas friends) so I look in detail each week, study the form and who’s playing who to hopefully use my knowledge and experience to pick 14 winners! Now the returns on my 14 folds can range anywhere from £100-£13,000 approx. So my thought is £5 (which is the cost of 2 cups of coffee in the local coffee shop) why not use this to try and win a decent amount of cash? Maybe I am going on about it a bit too much but my theory is it only takes one of these bets to come in once a season! I had one come in last season and the season before so statistically speaking I am due one anytime now? Or maybe not but that’s the chance you take. I always remember my dad saying to me ‘there’s a reason why bookies never go bust son’ and I know full well as I work for one! I see these people punting hundreds of pounds into those horrible fixed odds betting machines like drug addicts each day and it’s so sad! Just think of the amount of people you could help with that money. As I write this one guy has spent £2,300 and lost the lot! Most of the punters in here are regulars would sell their own mother to place a bet but the job is easy, stress free and just what I need right now.
So tomorrow is the day I have to call my psychiatrist as it’s been a week since I upped my daily dose of quetiapine from 25mg to 50mg so I will update you all tomorrow. Now it’s time for breakfast and my last cup of regular coffee for the day before shower and my cycle to work!