Bipolar Darren blog number 3…

As I sit at my computer writing this I feel like a spaced out zombie!  These Qietiapine tablets really make me feel bad in the mornings.  Not in a bipolar up and down bad way but tired and very irritable.  I went to bed last night at 11pm and woke up this morning at 9:15am!  I have only ever really needed around 7-8 hours sleep a night but this is killing me!  OK so i did wake up around 7:30am and 8:30 but I went straight back to sleep as I was absolutely knackered still and drained of any energy. I am also on 100mg of trazodone daily which was prescribed by my doctor before my bipolar was diagnosed as I was experiencing night terrors and panic attacks during the night. Maybe taking both together are causing the drowsiness to be more exclusive? Has anyone else experienced this? My psychiatrist told me that they shouldn’t interfere with each other but I’m not so sure. I am scheduled to call him again on Thursday so I will mention this to him then.

I have always needed to get up when I first wake up in the mornings otherwise if I force myself to go back to sleep I wake up with a headache which lasts the whole day! Maybe this mixed with the medication is making me worse than normal. Tomorrow morning I will make an effort to get up when I first wake up to see if that helps? I am at work now but (I work part time in a betting shop in town, I enjoy it, no stress and it’s easy which is just what I need for now until I get my medication under control) I was worried about cycling to work this morning due to the dizziness but I needn’t have worried as the fresh air did me good. I am at work now and I still feel very lathargic and a but spaced out but it’s pretty quiet, we have the tv on so all is ok I can just relax and chill out a bit. I’ve started to think about my mood but I feel nothing at all. Just tired and a little light headed still.

Yesterday visiting my parents, sister, nephew and neices etc. back home in London was just what I needed. From being a moody sod in the morning I was then hitting my daily ‘high’ not long after being there. The day was supposed to be about my step daughter and my sons birthdays so I was conscious that it could turn into the ‘Darren bipolar show’ which I was keen to avoid. Inevitably the questions were fired at me like a general knowledge round on a TV quiz show! I was always classed as a pain in the arse when I was a kid by most but my mum most of all (who incidentally I think is also bipolar but she would never admit to it) so I was sort of fishing for an apology off of my parents even though I knew that I would never get one! My parents are both in their late 60’s and are very old fashioned, opinionated and outspoken on their views which I mostly disagree with but I was surprised as to how much they had researched bipolar II and knew about it. my sister knew more than I thought as well as she is a health visitor and deals with parents of children who suffer from all sorts of mental illness so their understanding meant a lot to me.

It’s strange (this is how quickly my mood can change) but as I write this at work behind the counter feeling a bit groggy still, I am now wide awake as we (me and my work colleague Viktor) noticed a couple of dodgy looking guys enter the shop and take an interest in one of our regular customers who’s an old disabled guy, playing one of the gaming machines. My gut feeling told me that something was wrong and right on que, when the old guy cashed in his tickets at the till the 2 dodgy guys proceeded to follow him. As I was serving another customer Viktor followed them out of the shop and came back about 5 mins later with the old guy looking physically shaken up! No assult or mugging had taken place as they spotted Viktor but I am certain that they would have jumped the man had we not intervened! We offered the man a seat and made him a cup of tea. He stayed for around 10 mins and we checked the coast was clear and he left. So that’s my good deed done for the day but more importantly the adrenaline rush it gave me has woken me out of my zombie, groggy state!
I can now feel a high coming on but it feels weird as I am still a little light headed!

Anyway that’s blog entry 3 complete for today and see you tomorrow

Darren – 15/12/14